Some gems to come out of Berlitz lessons over the past few months – we have a book full!
“My wife is really satisfying the robot vacuum” (not quite sure where you’re going with that mate… )
“On honeymoon I enjoyed watch bartender give my wife pleasure” (not a normal honeymoon activity, but if it makes you happy!)
“When my daughter sees baby eating the breast she is shocked” (I would be too!)
“I have to penetrate my customers” (a new form of marketing)
“Because my wife wants to service other people” (a student explaining why his wife studies social works… )
“Only little people like the left” (As people become older their political opinions tend to change… )
“There are many Kimbap in the Kimbap jungle” (a thorough explanation of the variety of Korean food)
“Can I do my dog in the apartment?” (Student asks questions about the possibility of keeping pets in a ‘rent a house’ roleplay!)
“I went to the Rocky Mountains and cooked my whole family for dinner” (I hope not!)
“I can’t wait to see your fiancé’s flesh” (that’ll be in the flesh then?)
“What flavor sofa you like?” (mmm, crunchy!)
“The 007 Date” (‘Konglish’ for that blind date when you turn up, see the other person and run away)
“My father was fired out of his company” (weird image that… )
“We use lasers to cut metal sh*t, bend metal sh*t and punch a hole in metal sh*t” (a combination of common Korean mistakes: forgetting to include the article (a), and a mispronunciation of ‘sheet’ )
“I’m happy to touch you through email” (get in touch?)
“I have a front sh*t, we can see Beyonces details” (another great mispronunciation – seat this time)
“I got to church every Sunday because I like mini Jesus” (he meant many – a common Korean error meaning I like something a lot… )
“She is very hot girl, I think he be burned” (a students girlfriend is a real sizzler… )
“I want to learn more English so I can be an impotent man” (I never realized English had that effect!)
“You can’t touch the Jew” (Or, when said correctly, you can’t touch animals in the zoo!)
“I am a stone head” (a student forgets how to say ‘I am forgetful)
“I am going to buy a plane” (a student describes the best way to get to America… no, BY plane!)
“You always taste great” (you have great taste!)
“Luciano Pavarotti passed out five months ago” (he’s not looking like waking up anytime soon!)
“My wife fits me like a glove” (that’d be too much information me thinks!)
“I’m sorry, Mr Lee is not alive” (a students secretary explains he may be late to work today)
“I would like to suggest that you are like dried seafood” (erm…thanks!)
“I’m interested in sewing cotton to sh*t” (a student with a passion for quilting)
“I’m on the tip of your tongue too” (a student also can’t quite remember what he’s thinking of… )
“When I arrived in China I discovered I had left my member on the plane” (leaving behind a member (of staff) is never a good idea)
“The doctor shot me” (so now I’m immune… )
“Oh, I see, so I knock myself off?” (Attempting to teach the Idiom ‘to knock your socks off’ )
“Now is very drinker beers, Now is 1am o’ clock, I am not going to instrruection, I am sorry, See you Monday” (one student won’t be making it in the morning!)
“The KB bank is great because the beautiful tellers will service you if you have a million dollars or $10” (what everyone looks for in a bank?)
If I had a million dollars I would buy a pissing pot (we eventually translated this, through a series of questions, as being a ‘fishing boat’. Nice!)
This kind of stuff really keeps you going on a long day at the office! The number of different words Koreans can make sounds like sh*t is really quite amazing. Love it!
J