When it comes to strategically running quickly between large commercial breaks, OJ Simpson was one of the best. He started his ten-year NFL Running Back career as a first round draft pick. He ran over 11,000 yards, averaging 4.7 yards for every time he took a knock to his all-over body armor, and finishing 61 of those split-second mini sprints the right side of the scoring line. He could have lived out his life as a football (wow, that really stuck in the throat) legend. Clearly being a legend just wasn’t enough publicity for the big man.

Now, it would be unfair to say that publicity is why OJ might have killed his ex-wife. In his book ‘If I did it’ (the ‘if’ is strategically hidden, which is a pretty sure sign he thinks the whole thing is hilarious…) he explains that had he killed Nicole, it would have been because she annoyed the hell out of him. Of course, he didn’t kill her, this is just an interesting and completely non-factual idea he had for a novel.

I mean seriously, for a man many believe got away with murder, it’s not the most intelligent move, is it?? He’s already been found financially liable for the deaths in a civil court, and avoided paying the fine by declaring himself bankrupt. Then OJ decides the best way to make money is to ‘pretend’ he did do it. He was probably wrestling with the possibility of making a demonstrative video.

I can’t help thinking that in extreme cases there should be a charge for stupidity. OJ’s defense lawyer realized early on that the less the man said, the more chance he had of getting off. It might be a good idea if he applied that rule to the rest of his life: OJ, you’re dim, son.

OJ’s in prison anyway, of course. He was found guilty of a whole host of offences including armed robbery, assault and kidnapping in late 2008. Maybe he’ll write a book about that, too. Not forgetting to mention all the stuff he wasn’t caught for, of course.

As published in Bling Magazine, April 2009



  1. Mark Jones

    Sweet, really like the headline! He certainly isn’t the brightest star in the sky! He also showed a complete lack of respect to any of the loved ones in his ex-wife’s family. Would the stupidity charge extend to former US presidents?

    Must say I’m disappointed to you referring to American football as ‘football’. I know you said it hurt, but still…..

  2. admin

    Thanks Mark! It’s a shame I can’t alter the heading sizes on the site, having it in tiny print before the rest of the headline really made it for me! It certainly did stick in the throat to call American Football ‘football’, but at least I got to poke a little fun…

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